


The Emptiness Between The Stars

by lqbtjin



Series: A Puzzle From The Past [1]
Category: Gay - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/F, Lesbians, i was bored
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25435654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lqbtjin/pseuds/lqbtjin
Summary: hi i haven't written in a while so here we go also this is unedited!soNala visits the place where she feels most at home although it's not much of a home anymore
Series: A Puzzle From The Past [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1842961
Kudos: 4





	The Emptiness Between The Stars

It’s been 3 weeks since our breakup and this is the third night in a row that I’ve caught myself laying in the middle of this empty field, counting each star along with my mistakes. We used to sit here together writing stories but now I’ve befriended the moon and I’m wishing that were your name. Sometimes I pretend that it is just so I don’t feel alone for a bit but the sun will rise and I remember I have to use all my strength to stand on my own.

Since when did I rely on counting something so endless in order to feel a sense of relief? I guess it’s not so bad when the wind whispers every few numbers but tonight the world is too still. The silence is everything but peaceful and just this once I'm wishing for chaos. I am empty but full of so many thoughts. I wish the light of the stars would fill in the gaps and outshine the dark shadows. Maybe they do for a while but once again the white turns to orange and I feel a fire start in my chest.

I spend my days so angry at both you and the world but the animosity towards you slowly turns around to look at me. It weighs so heavy on my shoulders that sometimes I can’t feel my legs and lay around with the lights off.

I should’ve paid attention more and put work aside when you asked me to. I should’ve told you, “I love you,” 100 more times than I had before. You complete me in ways I should’ve described and I would do anything to show you that now. Better late than never, right? What happened to believing in chances? We promised to take the world together yet we finished before we even got the chance to start. We were, no we _are_ perfect for each other. There’s no reason why we shouldn’t be together right now, in our special spot. When did things turn so blue and why aren’t you next to me?

I scroll through old photos of us together and suddenly come across our 6 month anniversary. I surprised you by emptying a drawer and putting an extra toothbrush in the bathroom. You had been going on about how you wished you could spend more nights at my apartment and-

“Hey…” says a familiar voice. I sit up, turn around and it’s you, looking as if the world didn’t just stop. You always were reserved so I guess I can’t expect this moment to be much different. I imagine I look as shocked as I feel. We haven’t spoken since the breakup and I haven’t had the courage to send a text. We stare silently for a moment, taking each other in slowly. The world is still but I feel every second as it passes. Before a passing car breaks the silence I decide to do it first.

“Mars? What are you doing here?”

“Well you aren’t the only one who knows about this spot silly,” you say, so breathlessly, “can I sit here?” I scoot over and pat the space beside me, and I immediately am reminded why your name fits so perfectly.

“Mars can we tal-,”

“Shhh, let’s just sit for a little.”

And we do. The wind begins to whisper and It’s like the world finally wants to move again. We don’t look at each other because we don’t have to. We always enjoyed the nights where the silence did the talking for us as we soaked in each other’s presence until it was time to go home before we caught a cold. Those nights were always followed by hot chocolate and lots of covers. We would laugh at ourselves whilst laying on top of each other in bed, cursing at why we chose the coldest nights to admire the moon. We would joke all night until you fell asleep on my chest and I hummed to the rhythm of your snores.

But tonight isn’t one of those nights. Or maybe it could be. Fuck I can’t remember the last time we did this.

“The crashing waves in your head are suffocating and I can’t even hear them,” of course, Mars you always knew me so well.

“How’d you know?”

“Nala you’re shit at hiding your emotions,”

“Am not!” you give me that cute look you used to give me, “okay maybe I am.”

You chuckle softly. God I wish you knew how much I missed hearing your laugh, _needed_ to hear it. I’ve been craving it ever since you left … sounds like it never did. We still aren’t looking at each other so I laugh to myself, allowing this to just feel good even if it’s temporary.

“What happened to us?” I ask. You eventually turn to me with a shrug. I finally get to see your glossy eyes. Is this hurting you as much as it’s hurting me?

I sit closer just in case you need a shoulder to cry on. Something feels wrong but we both ignore it.

“We just don’t work anymore,”  
“But we could,”

“Nala-,”

“Please listen. I love you and I know we can be what we were again. You are my world and so much more, life feels so empty without you Mars. I need you. Please…” I reach out for your hand and you let me, “We are meant to be together, you just have to let me prove it to you.” The distance between us begins to close but you look so hesitant. I sigh, hoping you can hear my plea within my breath, “Please…”

You suddenly close the gap between us and I feel like a piece of me was put back in place. Our lips move as one, like they always did. You grab the back of my neck, pulling me deeper. Melting into this kiss feels like the easiest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. There’s a gasp but I’m too dizzy to figure out who it belonged to. My head falls deeper and deeper into you and I’m in no rush to find my way back up. This is where I belong, with you. Things feel right when we are together. It feels like this could actually go somewhere.

But then you pull away.

“What’s wrong?!”

“I-I just can’t do this,” you begin to stand up and I reach out, but this time you don’t give me the chance to touch you, “I shouldn’t be here.”

“I don’t believe that Mars,” I manage to choke out, fuck when did my throat get so tight? You let me cry for as long as I need. You let a few tears fall but not enough to mean something yet I still see myself behind your eyes, “I’m not ready to say goodbye to us.”

“Nala, you don’t do goodbyes.”

“Exactly!” I chuckle lightly, alone this time. You take a step back, holding your breath longer than usual. It sets in that my eyes are swelling up again and I feel pathetic giving all of myself to you.

“I don’t want this anymore- Please just let me go,”

“I can’t let go of a piece of me.”

I hope that my words are enough to make you stay but you still turn your back on me. I don’t waste my breath calling out for you because I know nothing I say will make you stay.

The emptiness begins to settle back in as I look back up to the stars and start counting again. I silently beg them to count with me but I think they’re tired of me using them to fill my loneliness. I don’t think this is how nights are supposed to go but now it’s something I’m forced to get used to. Maybe one day I’ll stop thinking of you but tomorrow I’ll be back.


End file.
